Nurse reveals the top 5 regrets people make on their deathbed 一名护士告诉你：临终病人最后悔的5件事

By Bronnie Ware (who worked for years nursing the dying)

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people have had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. 

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it. 

2. I wish I didn't work so hard. 

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence. 

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle. 

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings. 

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result. 

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly,in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. 

Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved.Everyone misses their friends when they are dying. 

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip.But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks,love and relationships. 

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have sillyness in their life again. 

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again,long before you are dying.

最近有一篇文章在Facebook, twitter上频频被转，Nurse reveals the top 5 regrets people make on their deathbed，它的原文是一名叫Bronnie Ware的护士写的。Bronnie Ware专门照顾那些临终病人，所以有机会听到很多人临终前说出他们一生里最后悔的事。她作了一个概括，有5件事是大多数人最后悔的。

很 好奇为什么这么多人转载它，也许，因为这是一种你永远无法提前经历的事吧。你不会时常面对别人的死亡，你更不怎么时常有机会听到一个临终前的人告诉你他最 后悔的事是什么。而即便你听到，你又会觉得自己来日方长。我们似乎永远无法感同身受；也许，只有我们自己的生命到了尽头时，我们才会意识到自己究竟错过了 什么，最后悔什么。

1. 我希望当初我有勇气过自己真正想要的生活，而不是别人希望我过的生活。

这是所有后悔的事中最常听到的。

心 理学上有个理论，较之那些我们做过的事，人们后悔的往往是那些没做的事。所以当人们在生命尽头往回看时，往往会发现有好多梦想应该实现，却没有实现。你的 生活方式、你的工作、你的感情、你的伴侣，其实我们多少人过着的是别人希望你过的生活，而不是自己真正想要的生活——又可能，一直以来你把别人希望你过的 生活当作是你想要的生活。

当你疾病缠身时，才发现其实自己应该而且可以放下很多顾虑追求你要的生活，似乎已经晚了一点。

2. 我希望当初我没有花这么多精力在工作上。

Ware说这是她照顾过的每一个男病人会说的话。因为工作，他们错过了关注孩子成长的乐趣，错过了爱人温暖的陪伴，这是他们最深的后悔与愧疚。其实对于现在的职业女性来说，这也将成为一个问题。

如果把你的生活变简单些，你也许会发现自己在做很多你以为你需要做其实不需要你做的事。腾出那些事占的空间，可能你会过得开心一点。

3. 我希望当初我能有勇气表达我的感受。

太多的人压抑自己的感受与想法，只是为了“天下太平”，不与别人产生矛盾。渐渐他们就成了中庸之辈，无法成为他们可以成为的自己。其实，有很多疾病与长期压抑愤怒与消极情绪有关。

也许当你直言不讳，你会得罪某些人。但可能从此以后因为你的中肯，你们不打不相识；又或者翻脸，正好让你摆脱这种需要你压抑自己感受才能维持的累人关系。不管哪一种结果，你都是赢家，不是吗？——不过当然，直言不讳还是有底线的。

4. 我希望当初我能和朋友保持联系。

老朋友的好，我们总要到自己有事了的时候才会想到。

多少人因为自己忙碌的生活忽略了朋友忽略了曾经闪亮的友情。很多人临终前终于放下钱、放下权，却放不下心中的情感与牵挂。朋友也好，爱人也罢，其实生命最后的日子里，他们才是我们最深的惦念。

5. 我希望当初我能让自己活过开心点。

也许有点出乎意料，但这一条也在前5之中。很多人直到生命的最后才发现，“快乐是选择”。

他们在自己既定习惯和生活方式中太久了，习惯了掩饰，习惯了伪装，习惯了在人前堆起笑脸。就像五月天的那首歌，“你不是真正的快乐，你的笑只是你给的保护色”。他们以为是生活让他们不快乐，其实是他们自己让自己不快乐了。

是只有临终的时候才会发现，别人怎么看你又有什么关系呢，傻也好，怪也罢，能有真心的笑，比什么都值得。

A message from George Carlin

Isn't it amazing that George Carlin - comedian of the 70's and 80's - could write something so very eloquent...and so very appropriate.

A message by George Carlin:

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgement, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbour. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

There are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say 'I love you' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

And always remember:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

- George Carlin

Handbook 2011

Health: 
1.       Drink plenty of water. 
2.       Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
3.       Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.. 
4.       Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy 
5.       Make time to pray. 
6.       Play more games 
7.       Read more books than you did in 2010 . 
8.       Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day 
9.       Sleep for 7 hours. 
10.    Take a 10-30 minutes walk daily. And while you walk, smile. 

Personality: 
11.    Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about. 
12.    Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment. 
13.    Don't over do. Keep your limits. 
14.    Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does. 
15.    Don't waste your precious energy on gossip. 
16.    Dream more while you are awake 
17.    Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.. 
18.    Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with His/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness. 
19.    Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others. 
20.    Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present. 
21.    No one is in charge of your happiness except you. 
22.    Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn.  Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime. 
23.    Smile and laugh more. 
24.    You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree... 

Society: 
25.    Call your family often. 
26.    Each day give something good to others. 
27.    Forgive everyone for everything. 
28.    Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6. 
29.    Try to make at least three people smile each day. 
30.    What other people think of you is none of your business. 
31.    Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch. 

Life: 
32.    Do the right thing! 
33.    Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful. 
34.    GOD heals everything. 
35.    However good or bad a situation is, it will change.. 
36.    No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up. 
37.    The best is yet to come.. 
38.    When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it. 
39.    Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy. 

The Daffodil Principle

Several times my daughter had telephoned to say, "Mother, you must come  to see the daffodils before they are over.''

I wanted to go, but it was a two-hour drive from Laguna to Lake Arrowhead.  
"I will come next Tuesday", I promised a little reluctantly on her third call.

Next Tuesday dawned cold and rainy. Still, I had promised, and reluctantly I drove there.
When I finally walked into Carolyn's house, I was welcomed by the joyful sounds of happy children. I delightedly hugged and greeted my grandchildren.

"Forget the daffodils, Carolyn!  The road is invisible in these clouds and fog, and there is nothing in the world except you and these children that I want to see badly enough to drive another inch!"

My daughter smiled calmly and said, " We drive in this all the time, Mother." 
 
"W ell, you won't get me back on the road until it clears, and then I'm heading for home!" I assured her.
"But first we're going to see the daffodils. It's just a few blocks," Carolyn said. "I'll drive. I'm used to this."   

"Carolyn," I said sternly, "Please turn around."  
"It's all right, Mother, I promise. You will never forgive yourself if you miss this experience."

After about twenty minutes, we turned onto a small gravel road and I saw a small church. On the far side of the church, I saw a hand lettered sign with an arrow that read, " Daffodil Garden ."  

W e got out of the car, each took a child's hand, and I followed Carolyn down the path. Then, as we turned a corner, I looked up and gasped. Before me lay the most glorious sight. 

It looked as though someone had taken a great vat of gold and poured it over the mountain peak and its surrounding slopes. The flowers were planted in majestic, swirling patterns, great ribbons and swaths of deep orange, creamy white, lemon yellow, salmon pink, saffron and  butter yellow. Each different-colored variety was planted in large groups so that it swirled and flowed like its own river with its own unique hue. There were five acres of flowers.

"Who did this?" I asked Carolyn.   
 
"Just one woman," Carolyn answered. "She lives on the property. That's her home." Carolyn pointed to a well-kept A-frame house, small and modestly sitting in the midst of all that glory. W e walked up to the house.

On the patio, we saw a poster. "Answers to the Questions I Know You Are Asking", was the headline.

The first answer was a simple one. "50,000 bulbs," it read.

The second answer was, "One at a time, by one woman. Two hands, two feet, and one brain."

The third answer was, "Began in 1958."

For me, that moment was a life-changing experience. I thought of this woman whom I had never met, who, more than forty years before, had begun, one bulb at a time, to bring her vision of beauty and joy to an obscure mountaintop. Planting one bulb at a time, year after year, this unknown woman had forever changed the world in which she lived.

One day at a time, she had created something of extraordinary magnificence, beauty, and inspiration. The principle her daffodil garden taught is one of the greatest principles of celebration. 

That is, learning to move toward our goals and desires one step at a time, often just one baby-step at a time and learning to love the doing, learning to use the accumulation of time. When we multiply tiny pieces of time with small increments of daily effort, we too will find we can accomplish magnificent things. We can change the world …

"It makes me sad in a way," I admitted to Carolyn. " What might I have accomplished if I had thought of a wonderful goal thirty five or forty years ago and had worked away at it 'one bulb at a time' through all those years? "Just think what I might have been able to achieve!"

My daughter summed up the message of the day in her usual direct way. "Start tomorrow," she said.

She was right. It's so pointless to think of the lost hours of yesterdays. The way to make learning a lesson of celebration instead of a cause for regret is to only ask, "How can I put this to use today?"

Use the Daffodil Principle. Stop waiting.....

   Until your car or home is paid off
   Until you get a new car or home
   Until your kids leave the house
   Until you go back to school
   Until you finish school
   Until you clean the house
   Until you organize the garage
   Until you clean off your desk
   Until you lose 10 lbs.
   Until you gain 10 lbs.
   Until you get married
   Until you get a divorce
   Until you have kids
   Until the kids go to school
   Until you retire
   Until summer
   Until spring
   Until winter
   Until fall
   Until you die...
There is no better time than right now to be happy.  Happiness is a journey, not a destination. 
So work like you don't need money. Love like you've never been hurt, and dance like no one's watching. 

Words from Mahatma Gandhi

You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty.

To give service to a single heart by a single act is better than a thousand heads bowing in prayer.

There is nothing that wastes the body like worry, and one who has any faith in God should be ashamed to worry about anything whatsoever.

In prayer it is better to have a heart without words than words without a heart.

It is easy enough to be friendly to one's friends. But to befriend the one who regards himself as your enemy is the quintessence of true religion. The other is mere business.

It has always been a mystery to me how men can feel themselves honoured by the humiliation of their fellow beings.

There is a sufficiency in the world for man's need but not for man's greed.

I look only to the good qualities of men. Not being faultless myself, I won't presume to probe into the faults of others.

If we are to teach real peace in this world, and if we are to carry on a real war against war, we shall have to begin with the children.

Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.

When I admire the wonders of a sunset or the beauty of the moon, my soul expands in the worship of the creator.

God sometimes does try to the uttermost those whom he wishes to bless.

The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.