Sunday, June 12, 2011

Nurse reveals the top 5 regrets people make on their deathbed 一名护士告诉你:临终病人最后悔的5件事

By Bronnie Ware (who worked for years nursing the dying)

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people have had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. 

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it. 

2. I wish I didn't work so hard. 

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence. 

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle. 


3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings. 

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result. 

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly,in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. 


Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved.Everyone misses their friends when they are dying. 

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip.But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks,love and relationships. 

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have sillyness in their life again. 

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again,long before you are dying.

最近有一篇文章在Facebook, twitter上频频被转,Nurse reveals the top 5 regrets people make on their deathbed,它的原文是一名叫Bronnie Ware的护士写的。Bronnie Ware专门照顾那些临终病人,所以有机会听到很多人临终前说出他们一生里最后悔的事。她作了一个概括,有5件事是大多数人最后悔的。
很 好奇为什么这么多人转载它,也许,因为这是一种你永远无法提前经历的事吧。你不会时常面对别人的死亡,你更不怎么时常有机会听到一个临终前的人告诉你他最 后悔的事是什么。而即便你听到,你又会觉得自己来日方长。我们似乎永远无法感同身受;也许,只有我们自己的生命到了尽头时,我们才会意识到自己究竟错过了 什么,最后悔什么。

1. 我希望当初我有勇气过自己真正想要的生活,而不是别人希望我过的生活。
这是所有后悔的事中最常听到的。
心 理学上有个理论,较之那些我们做过的事,人们后悔的往往是那些没做的事。所以当人们在生命尽头往回看时,往往会发现有好多梦想应该实现,却没有实现。你的 生活方式、你的工作、你的感情、你的伴侣,其实我们多少人过着的是别人希望你过的生活,而不是自己真正想要的生活——又可能,一直以来你把别人希望你过的 生活当作是你想要的生活。
当你疾病缠身时,才发现其实自己应该而且可以放下很多顾虑追求你要的生活,似乎已经晚了一点。

2. 我希望当初我没有花这么多精力在工作上。
Ware说这是她照顾过的每一个男病人会说的话。因为工作,他们错过了关注孩子成长的乐趣,错过了爱人温暖的陪伴,这是他们最深的后悔与愧疚。其实对于现在的职业女性来说,这也将成为一个问题。
如果把你的生活变简单些,你也许会发现自己在做很多你以为你需要做其实不需要你做的事。腾出那些事占的空间,可能你会过得开心一点。

3. 我希望当初我能有勇气表达我的感受。
太多的人压抑自己的感受与想法,只是为了“天下太平”,不与别人产生矛盾。渐渐他们就成了中庸之辈,无法成为他们可以成为的自己。其实,有很多疾病与长期压抑愤怒与消极情绪有关。
也许当你直言不讳,你会得罪某些人。但可能从此以后因为你的中肯,你们不打不相识;又或者翻脸,正好让你摆脱这种需要你压抑自己感受才能维持的累人关系。不管哪一种结果,你都是赢家,不是吗?——不过当然,直言不讳还是有底线的。

4. 我希望当初我能和朋友保持联系。
老朋友的好,我们总要到自己有事了的时候才会想到。
多少人因为自己忙碌的生活忽略了朋友忽略了曾经闪亮的友情。很多人临终前终于放下钱、放下权,却放不下心中的情感与牵挂。朋友也好,爱人也罢,其实生命最后的日子里,他们才是我们最深的惦念。

5. 我希望当初我能让自己活过开心点。
也许有点出乎意料,但这一条也在前5之中。很多人直到生命的最后才发现,“快乐是选择”。
他们在自己既定习惯和生活方式中太久了,习惯了掩饰,习惯了伪装,习惯了在人前堆起笑脸。就像五月天的那首歌,“你不是真正的快乐,你的笑只是你给的保护色”。他们以为是生活让他们不快乐,其实是他们自己让自己不快乐了。
是只有临终的时候才会发现,别人怎么看你又有什么关系呢,傻也好,怪也罢,能有真心的笑,比什么都值得。

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

A message from George Carlin

Isn't it amazing that George Carlin - comedian of the 70's and 80's - could write something so very eloquent...and so very appropriate.

A message by George Carlin:

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgement, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbour. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

There are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say 'I love you' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

And always remember:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

- George Carlin

Monday, April 18, 2011

Handbook 2011

Health
1.       Drink plenty of water. 
2.       Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
3.       Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.. 
4.       Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy 
5.       Make time to pray. 
6.       Play more games 
7.       Read more books than you did in 2010
 
8.       Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day 
9.       Sleep for 7 hours. 
10.    Take a 10-30 minutes walk daily. And while you walk, smile. 


Personality

11.    Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about. 
12.    Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment. 
13.    Don't over do. Keep your limits. 
14.    Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does. 
15.    Don't waste your precious energy on gossip. 
16.    Dream more while you are awake 
17.    Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.. 
18.    Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with His/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness. 
19.    Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others. 
20.    Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present. 
21.    No one is in charge of your happiness except you. 
22.    Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn.  Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime. 
23.    Smile and laugh more. 
24.    You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree... 


Society

25.    
Call your family often. 
26.    Each day give something good to others. 
27.    Forgive everyone for everything. 
28.    
Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6. 
29.    Try to make at least three people smile each day. 
30.    What other people think of you is none of your business. 
31.    Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch. 


Life

32.    Do the right thing! 
33.    Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful. 
34.    GOD heals everything. 
35.    However good or bad a situation is, it will change.. 
36.    No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up. 
37.    The best is yet to come.. 
38.    When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it. 
39.    Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy. 

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

The Daffodil Principle

Several times my daughter had telephoned to say, "Mother, you must come  to see the daffodils before they are over.''

I wanted to go, but it was a two-hour drive from Laguna to Lake Arrowhead 
"I will come next Tuesday", I promised a little reluctantly on her third call.

Next Tuesday dawned cold and rainy. Still, I had promised, and reluctantly I drove there.
When I finally walked into Carolyn's house, I was welcomed by the joyful sounds of happy children. I delightedly hugged and greeted my grandchildren.

"Forget the daffodils, Carolyn!  The road is invisible in these clouds and fog, and there is nothing in the world except you and these children that I want to see badly enough to drive another inch!"

My daughter smiled calmly and said, " We drive in this all the time, Mother."
 
 
"W ell, you won't get me back on the road until it clears, and then I'm heading for home!" I assured her.
"But first we're going to see the daffodils. It's just a few blocks," Carolyn said. "I'll drive. I'm used to this."  
 

"Carolyn," I said sternly, "Please turn around." 
 
"It's all right, Mother, I promise. You will never forgive yourself if you miss this experience."

After about twenty minutes, we turned onto a small gravel road and I saw a small church. On the far side of the church, I saw a hand lettered sign with an arrow that read, " Daffodil Garden ."  
W e got out of the car, each took a child's hand, and I followed Carolyn down the path. Then, as we turned a corner, I looked up and gasped. Before me lay the most glorious sight. 


It looked as though someone had taken a great vat of gold and poured it over the mountain peak and its surrounding slopes. The flowers were planted in majestic, swirling patterns, great ribbons and swaths of deep orange, creamy white, lemon yellow, salmon pink, saffron and  butter yellow. Each different-colored variety was planted in large groups so that it swirled and flowed like its own river with its own unique hue. There were five acres of flowers.

"Who did this?" I asked Carolyn.  
 
 
"Just one woman," Carolyn answered. "She lives on the property. That's her home." Carolyn pointed to a well-kept A-frame house, small and modestly sitting in the midst of all that glory. W e walked up to the house.

On the patio, we saw a poster. "Answers to the Questions I Know You Are Asking", was the headline.

The first answer was a simple one. "50,000 bulbs," it read.
The second answer was, "One at a time, by one woman. Two hands, two feet, and one brain."

The third answer was, "Began in 1958."

For me, that moment was a life-changing experience. I thought of this woman whom I had never met, who, more than forty years before, had begun, one bulb at a time, to bring her vision of beauty and joy to an obscure mountaintop. Planting one bulb at a time, year after year, this unknown woman had forever changed the world in which she lived.
One day at a time, she had created something of extraordinary magnificence, beauty, and inspiration. The principle her daffodil garden taught is one of the greatest principles of celebration. 

That is, learning to move toward our goals and desires one step at a time, often just one baby-step at a time and learning to love the doing, learning to use the accumulation of time. When we multiply tiny pieces of time with small increments of daily effort, we too will find we can accomplish magnificent things. We can change the world …

"It makes me sad in a way," I admitted to Carolyn. " What might I have accomplished if I had thought of a wonderful goal thirty five or forty years ago and had worked away at it 'one bulb at a time' through all those years? "Just think what I might have been able to achieve!"

My daughter summed up the message of the day in her usual direct way. "Start tomorrow," she said.

She was right. It's so pointless to think of the lost hours of yesterdays. The way to make learning a lesson of celebration instead of a cause for regret is to only ask, "How can I put this to use today?"

Use the Daffodil Principle. Stop waiting.....


   Until your car or home is paid off
   Until you get a new car or home
   Until your kids leave the house
   Until you go back to school
   Until you finish school
   Until you clean the house
   Until you organize the garage
   Until you clean off your desk
   Until you lose 10 lbs.
   Until you gain 10 lbs.
   Until you get married
   Until you get a divorce
   Until you have kids
   Until the kids go to school
   Until you retire
   Until summer
   Until spring
   Until winter
   Until fall
   Until you die...
There is no better time than right now to be happy.  Happiness is a journey, not a destination. 
So work like you don't need money. Love like you've never been hurt, and dance like no one's watching. 

Words from Mahatma Gandhi

You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty.

To give service to a single heart by a single act is better than a thousand heads bowing in prayer.

There is nothing that wastes the body like worry, and one who has any faith in God should be ashamed to worry about anything whatsoever.

In prayer it is better to have a heart without words than words without a heart.

It is easy enough to be friendly to one's friends. But to befriend the one who regards himself as your enemy is the quintessence of true religion. The other is mere business.

It has always been a mystery to me how men can feel themselves honoured by the humiliation of their fellow beings.

There is a sufficiency in the world for man's need but not for man's greed.

I look only to the good qualities of men. Not being faultless myself, I won't presume to probe into the faults of others.

If we are to teach real peace in this world, and if we are to carry on a real war against war, we shall have to begin with the children.

Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.

When I admire the wonders of a sunset or the beauty of the moon, my soul expands in the worship of the creator.

God sometimes does try to the uttermost those whom he wishes to bless.

The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

車票

http://www2.lssh.tp.edu.tw/~lib/share/ticket.htm

文/李家同

我從小就怕過母親節,因為我生下不久,就被母親遺棄了。每到母親節,我就會感到不自然,因為母親節前後,電視節目,全是歌頌母愛的歌,電台更是如此,既使做個餅乾廣告,也都是母親節的歌。對我而言,每一首這種歌曲都是消受不了的。我生下一個多月,就被人在新竹火車站發現了我,車站附近的警察們慌作一團地替我餵奶,這些大男生找到一位會餵奶的婦人,要不是她,我恐怕早已哭出病來了。等到我吃飽了奶,安祥睡去,這些警察伯伯輕手輕腳地將我送到了新竹縣寶山鄉的德蘭中心,讓那些成天笑嘻嘻的天主教修女傷腦筋。

我沒有見過我的母親,小時候只知道修女們帶我長大,晚上,其他的大哥哥、大姊姊都要唸書,我無事可做,只好纏著修女,她們進聖堂唸晚課,我跟著進去,有時鑽進了祭台下面玩耍,有時對著在祈禱的修女們做鬼臉,更常常靠著修女睡著了,好心的修女會不等晚課唸完,就先將我抱上樓去睡覺,我一直懷疑她們喜歡我,是因為我給她們一個溜出聖堂的大好機會。

我們雖然都是家遭變故的孩子,可是大多數都仍有家,過年、過節叔叔伯伯甚至兄長都會來接,只有我,連家在那裡,都不知道。也就因為如此,修女們對我們這些真正無家可歸的孩子們特別好,總不准其他孩子欺侮我們。我從小功課不錯,修女們更是找了一大批義工來做我的家教。屈指算來,做過我家教的人真是不少,他們都是交大、清大 的研究生和教授,工研院、園區內廠商的工程師。教我理化的老師,當年是博士班學生,現在已是副教授了,教我英文的,根本就是位正教授,難怪我從小英文就很好了。

修女也壓迫我學琴,小學四年級,我已擔任聖堂的電風琴手,彌撤中,由我負責彈琴,由於我在教會裡所受的薰陶,我的口齒比較清晰,在學校裡,我常常參加演講比賽,有一次還擔任畢業生致答詞的代表,可是我從來不願在慶祝母親節的節目中擔任重要的角色。我雖然喜歡彈琴,可是永遠有一個禁忌,我不能彈母親節的歌。我想除非有人強迫我彈,否則我絕不會自已去彈的。我有時也會想,我的母親究竟是誰?看了小說以後,我猜自已是個私生子。爸爸始亂終棄,年青的媽媽只好將我遺棄了。

大概因為我天資不錯,再加上那些熱心家教的義務幫忙,我順利地考上了新竹省中,大學聯招也考上了成功大學土木系。在大學的時候,我靠工讀完成了學業,帶我長大的孫修女有時會來看我,我的那些大老粗型的男同學,一看到她,馬上變得文雅得不得了。很多同學知道我的身世以後,都會安慰我,說我是由修女們帶大的,怪不得我的氣質很好。畢業那天,別人都有爸爸媽媽來,我的惟一親人是孫修女,我們的系主任還特別和她照像。

服役期間,我回德蘭中心玩,這次孫修女忽然要和我談一件嚴肅的事,她從一個抽屜裡拿出一個信封,請我看看信封的內容。信封裡有二張車票,孫修女告訴我,當警察送我來的時候,我的衣服裡塞了這兩張車票,顯然是我的母親用這些車票從她住的地方到新竹車站的,一張公車票從南部的一個地方到屏東市。另一張火車票是從屏東到新竹,這是一張慢車票,我立刻明白我的母親不是有錢人。孫修女告訴我,她們通常並不喜歡去找出棄嬰的過去身世,因此她們一直保留了這兩張車票,等我長大了再說,她們觀察我很久,最後的結論是我很理智,應該有能力處理這件事了。她們曾經去過這個小城,發現小城人極少,如果我真要找出我的親人,應該不是難事。我一直想和我的父母見一次面,可是現在拿了這兩張車票,我卻猶豫不決了。我現在活得好好的,有大學文憑,甚至也有一位快要談論終生大事的女朋友,為什麼我要走回過去。去尋找一個完全陌生的過去?何況十有八九,找到的恐怕是不愉快的事實。孫修女卻仍鼓勵我去,她認為我已有光明的前途,沒有理由讓我的身世之謎永遠成為心頭的陰影,她一直勸我要有最壞的打算,既使發現的事實不愉快,應該不至於動搖我對自己前途的信心。

我終於去了。這個我過去從未聽過的小城,是個山城,從屏東市要坐一個多小時的公車,才能到達。雖是南部,因為是冬天,總有點山上特有的涼意,小城的確小,只有一條馬路、一兩家雜貨店、一家派出所、一家鎮公所、一所國民小學、一所國民中學,然後就什麼都沒有了。我在派出所和鎮公所裡來來回回地跑,終於讓我找到了兩筆與我似乎有關的資料,第一筆是一個小男孩的出生資料,第二個是這個小男生家人來申報遺失的資料,遺失就在我被遺棄的第二天,出生在一個多月以前。據修女們的記錄,我被發現在新竹車站時,只有一個多月大。看來我找到我的出生資料了。問題是:我的父母都已去世了,父親六年前去世,母親幾個月以前去世的。我有一個哥哥,這個哥哥早已離開小城,不知何處去了。

畢竟這個小城,誰都認識誰,派出所的一位老警員告訴我,我的媽媽一直在那所國中裡做工友,他馬上帶我去看國中的校長。校長是位女士,非常熱忱地歡迎我。她說的確我的媽媽一輩子在這裡做工友,是一位非常慈祥的老太太,我的爸爸非常懶,別的男人都去城裡找工作,只有他不肯走,在小城做些零工,小城根本沒有什麼零工可做,因此他一輩子靠我的媽媽做工友過活。因為不做事,心情也就不好,只好借酒澆愁,喝醉了,有時打我的媽媽,有時打我的哥哥。事後雖然有些後悔,但積習難改,媽媽和哥哥被鬧了一輩子,哥哥在國中二年級的時候,索性離家出走,從此沒有回來。這位老媽媽的確有過第二位兒子,可是一個月大以後;神秘地失蹤了。

校長問了我很多事,我一一據實以告,當她知道我在北部的孤兒院長大以後,她忽然激動了起來,在櫃子裡找出了一個大信封,這個大信封是我母親去世以後,在她枕邊發現的,校長認為 裡面的東西一定有意義,決定留了下來,等他的親人來領。

我以顫抖的手,打開了這個信封,發現裡面全是車票,一套一套從這個南部小城到新竹縣寶山鄉的來回車票,全部都保存得好好的。校長告訴我,每半年我的母親會到北部去看一位親戚,大家都不知道這親戚是誰,只感到她回來的時候心情就會很好。母親晚年信了佛教,她最得意的事是說服了一些信佛教的有錢人,湊足了一百萬台幣,捐給天主教辦的孤兒院,捐贈的那一天,她也親自去了。我想起來,有一次一輛大型遊覽車帶來了一批南部到北部來進香的善男信女。他們帶了一張一百萬元的支票,捐給我們德蘭中心。修女們感激之餘,召集所有的小孩子和他們合影,我正在打籃球,也被抓來,老大不情願地和大家照了一張像,現在我居然在信封裡找到了這張照片,我也請人家認出我的母親,她和我站得不遠。更使我感動的是我畢業那一年的畢業紀念冊,有一頁被影印了以後放在信封裡,那是我們班上同學戴方帽子的一頁,我也在其中。我的媽媽,雖然遺棄了我,仍然一直來看我,她甚至可能也參加了我大學的畢業典禮。

校長的聲音非常平靜,她說“你應該感謝你的母親,她遺棄了你,是為了替你找一個更好生活環境,你如留在這裡,最多只是國中畢業以後去城裡做工,我們這裡幾乎很少人能進高中的。弄得不好,你吃不消你爸爸的每天打罵,說不定也會像你哥哥那樣離家出走,一去不返〞。校長索性找了其他的老師來,告訴了他們有關我的故事,大家都恭喜我能從國立大學畢業,有一位老師說,他們這裡從來沒有學生可以考取國立大學的。

我忽然有一個衝動,我問校長校內有沒有鋼琴,她說她們的鋼琴不是很好的,可是電風琴卻是全新的。我打開了琴蓋,對著窗外的冬日夕陽,我一首一首地彈母親節的歌,我要讓人知道,我雖然在孤兒院長大,可是我不是孤兒。因為我一直有那些好心而又有教養的修女們,像母親一般地將我撫養長大,我難道不該將她們看成自已的母親嗎﹖更何況,我的生母一直在關心我,是她的果斷和犧牲,使我能有一個良好的生長環境,和光明的前途。

我的禁忌消失了,我不僅可以彈所有母親節歌曲,我還能輕輕地唱,校長和老師們也跟著我唱,琴聲傳出了校園,山谷裡一定充滿了我的琴聲,在夕陽裡,小城的居民們一定會問,為什麼今天有人要彈母親節的歌?對我而言,今天是母親節,這個塞滿車票的信封,使我從此以後,再也不怕過母親節了。

Thursday, September 2, 2010

給孩子跌倒的機會

http://www2.lssh.tp.edu.tw/~lib/share/chance.htm

洪蘭(中央大學認知神經科學研究所所長)


我以前教書的學校有個附設幼稚園,我常帶學生去觀察,幼稚園中有個沙坑,內有一些玩具,如小鏟子、空瓶子及漏斗,小孩子很喜歡把沙裝在漏斗中再裝到瓶子裡。

為學校很大,各種國籍的人都有,我看到一個很有趣的現象:當外國的小孩子用小鏟子把沙裝在漏斗中,因漏斗會漏,沙裝不滿,小孩子便把手指頭塞到漏斗底去堵住漏口,當沙裝滿時便把它移到瓶子旁邊,把手指放開將沙漏放進瓶子中,但是沙漏的速度很快,從手指拿開到對準瓶口,沙便漏的差不多了,這時孩子會鍥而不捨,一點一點累積,手指移開的速度也越來越快,突然之間,孩子開竅了,他把漏斗口直接對準瓶口再倒沙,瓶子很快的就滿了,這時孩子會發出勝利的笑聲,高興的回頭看媽媽,媽媽會拍手以示鼓勵。

國的母親便不一樣了,當孩子拿起漏斗,沙從底部流失時,中國的媽媽便立刻蹲下去說:「來,媽教你,把漏斗對準瓶口,再把沙從這裡灌下去。」

國孩子比美國孩子早學會用漏斗,但他很快的便不玩漏斗了,爬出沙坑要媽媽抱。

在這裡我看到了中西教育方法的不同,

我們什麼都願意為孩子做,多替他做一些,孩子少辛苦一些。
我們忘記了冤枉路其實也是學習的方式之一,
有些發現是要在走了冤枉路之後才會出現的,
而且自己辛苦後的成果特別甜美,
它帶給孩子「知」的喜悅「Eureka!我知道了」這個喜悅會使前面的挫折感一掃而空。

觀我們的父母,剝奪孩子從失敗中求經驗的機會,也剝奪讓他證明自己能力的機會,別人告訴你的解答,不及你自己作出來的解答有意義,所以孩子很快就沒興趣了。這種動不動就找大人幫忙,輕易就放棄挑戰的現象在上學後非常明顯,中國的孩子碰到不會的問題時,常停下來等大人幫忙,不會自己想辦法。我們無法永遠保護孩子,但是可以教他保護自己之道我記得在美國時,老師說人生免不了會被人騙,美國父母教導孩子:第一次被人騙是shame on you,但是第二次再被人騙就是 shame on me,自己的錯了,因為我怎麼沒有從上一次的經驗中學到教訓,會繼續被你騙,因此是shame on me。

人生很多經驗是要付代價的,但是也使我們了解這個錯誤,痛定思痛,以後永遠不再犯它。
適量的挫折也培養孩子的忍受力與同理心,以後容易與人相處。

父母不可能一輩子陪伴著孩子,及早在遊戲中訓練孩子獨立完成一件事是很重要,鼓勵孩子去試新奇的做事方法,不必事事都依你的想法來做,孩子們自發性的創造力就是這樣培養出來的。

有沒有一雙手,握住了便不輕易放手
有沒有一個肩膀,可以倚靠一輩子都有安全感
有沒有一場擁抱,緊緊的讓兩個人再也不分開
有沒有一種約定,是相約每一個來生都要和你相遇
有沒有一段感情,深深刻在心裡一輩子不會忘記
有沒有一個人,是你用盡了一生力氣還捨不得將他遺忘
天長地久,有多久,能給個時間嗎?